Terrible experiences can completely change a person’s life and become a constant companion. An example of this sad fact is provided by the story of a young woman who worked as a waitress years ago.
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She reports on Twitter under the pseudonym “Live Laugh Unhinged“About a bad case of sexual harassment that shaped her. But not the incident itself, but also the reaction of her colleagues left a scar:
“I used to be a bartender and often worked alone until late at night. One evening there was only one customer left when I was about to close the restaurant. From one moment to the next he stood behind me, put his hand in my pants and pulled me close. He ran his other hand through my hair and said that I wanted it too – I didn’t want it.
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I smiled and pretended to be shy. I knew the situation could get worse if I insulted him. I convinced him that I would call him after work, hoping that then he would leave me alone. And so it happened. After this guy left, I left everything. I just locked the doors and drove home.
When I told my male colleague about this incident the next day, he said something like, ‘You shouldn’t have lied to him, you should have given the guy one. Because of such things, men believe that women are manipulative. ‘ Only after ten years did I really realize that my gut feeling had saved me. Because I instinctively lied and fooled him in this situation, I got out safe.
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Although ‘intact’ is not the right word because I wasn’t the same person afterwards. I was always afraid that this guy would show up angry at the bar at some point. I no longer wore the same clothes that I wore that night. I always had pepper spray in my pocket from then on. When I was alone in the bar again, I avoided male customers as much as possible.
I came out of this situation safe and alive. I had to defend myself against my colleagues for my behavior. I got the impression that it was my fault. Maybe because I sent ambiguous signals that I didn’t want to send. Maybe because my jeans were too body-hugging or because I wore my hair down, which invited me to touch.
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I had the impression that I was lucky. But: I hadn’t sent any signals, I was just doing my job. I cleared the tables and wiped the floor. I wish the world was safer for women, at least in their everyday lives, but it isn’t. To all women who experienced this fear like me and then wondered for years whether they had ‘challenged’ it, even though it wasn’t: I sympathize with you and love your gut feeling! Surviving something like this shouldn’t actually trigger a feeling of success, but somehow it does. “
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Not only that groomers all too often get away with their behavior blameless; It is equally frightening that those affected are also persuaded to be guilty of the attacks. Experience reports like that of the Twitter user show what effects such experiences can have.
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